April 6, 2009

No Prescription Needed...

Alright...I'm really getting sick and tired of spam. My hotmail, which I've had for years and along with my phone number has been just about the most stable thing in my life, is getting more and more flooded with crap. I can't get rid of the email...I mean, if I had any long-lost Army buddies or some old stripper/hooker I once knew that needed to reach me for some reason...this would be the place. And, do you know what the majority of it is?

You guessed it...I only pay attention to the subject lines, but they go a little something like this: "Cialis rehabilitates your manhood" or "SUSPECT: Secure Viagra for you" or "Pound her like a jackhammer tonight!" And they're from morons with HORRIBLE names, such as zybdwud at earthlink.com or from Romeo Lover or something else that must have gotten their asses beaten in middle school. In fact, that's probably why they do what they do now...to get back at all of the "cool" kids that used to kick their tail for being called "Zybdwud." Come on, I have Nigerian friends who aren't named that badly!

If I leave my hotmail alone for more than a day...I'll have like 150 emails in there. Problem is, I can't just empty the bin because I DO occasionally get legitimate stuff in there. Like the personal letter I got from Columbia House DVD about how much they missed me and wanted me back. (Sorry bitches!) Or the invite from the good folks at craigslist who want to make sure I'm happy in my life by offering me a work-from-home job making apparently...a LOT of fuckin' money! It always surprises me that they still need to recruit with some of these salaries. Oh well...some people just like being poor, I guess.

Anyway, I wondered if it was just me...or if women get these messages too? Do these people just assume by the title of my email address that I MUST be a man and therefore, need some sort of help in the "down-below" area? (I don't, of course...just saying!) Do women get emails for viagra, cialis, or rogaine? Or, are theirs more like this: "Want to tame your man in bed?" or "Learn how to make him do dishes" or "Never yearn for an orgasm again!" I'm really upset by this...I need help.

Wait...that didn't sound good. Never mind. I just wanna know if I'm an island over here. And, how do I let these guys/girls (who knows what gender "Zybdwud" is?) down easily without hurting their feelings? I'm not a jerk, after all. Thanks for your help.


  1. I usually get spam asking me if my husband is up to par or if I want to spice up my secret love life with a stranger on some site I have to pay for. You're not an island.


Throw me a rope!